The many wacky ways to say I do

Does every wedding have to be big and fat? Not really

Nigel Britto  

On a bright sunshine day in December last year, Aaron Lobo and Annika Madagavkar stepped on to a large boat bobbing in the Mandovi. When they got off a few hours later, they were husband and wife. One more example of a couple who had decided to walk down the aisle differently.

There was some strategic reasons behind the water wedding: they could start  the celebrations early, they could prune the guest list drastically and blame it on the boat size, and best of all, the boat belonged to the bride's father. There were also emotional reasons: "Both of us are water babies,'' says Annika. "We learnt to walk and swim at the same time. Also, Aaron has always run after any creature that moves, whether it involves wading through rivers, the sea, mucky ponds and the occasional puddle.''

When the couple broached the plan of their novel venue, many thought it was a wobbly idea: how on earth would there be room for the caterer, the florist and the band? And what about the priest? The biggest challenge was to get permission to hold the ceremony outside the church. "But thanks to Fr Antimo Gomes that was sorted out,'' says Annika. "We didn't want picture-perfect, we wanted to enjoy our day. The worst case scenario would have been jumping into the river in my gown to save a guest.''

Luckily, that didn't happen. The guests behaved, the band struck up, and the boat union went off with a bang.

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In that same winter month, Michelle Alphonso married Gordon Albert, in a manner that would have warmed Al Gore's heart__even if 'warm' is not the best choice of word. The young couple believes that people should be aware of the impact of their actions and choices, and this philosophy, says Michelle, decided the way they got married. It was all about positive energy and non-destructive spending.

As far as possible, they used fair-trade and eco-friendly products. Wedding invitations were made from 'plantable paper', which when buried in soil allows a little garden of wild flowers to sprout. Michelle's gown was spun from organic silk. The decorations, too, reflected the energy of the universe. They minimized the use of fresh flowers and used bamboo instead. Says the bride, "Wherever possible, we used the elements of nature__earth, wind, fire and water__in our decorations. Our wedding colour was lavender, the color of harmony.'' Guests were requested to buy gifts from free-trade sources. Most of the gifts, except those from family, were given to charity. Giveaways were sun-catcher crystals that could be hung in a window to capture the sunlight and throw little rainbows around the room.

Even the people involved in the wedding had to have a compatible energy. "We made sure that we hired a woman from the local community who could use the additional income. The rest of the wedding was driven by the energy of my own family, who all adopted the same philosophy in supporting us through the wedding,'' says  Michelle.

And it didn't end with giveaways. The couple still feel they owe something to the environment to counter their tiny carbon footprint. "We are in the process of planting trees to negate the impact from our travel,'' she says.

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What if you are anti-matrimony, think of marriage as a repressive institution but still go through with it for the sake of society? Nostradamus and Pocahontus (names changed on request) found themselves in this dilemma. When we got in touch with them, both husband and wife vociferously ridiculed the concept of marriage. They met in Jan 1996 and had been living-in since 2004, or, as Pocahontus's mother put it severely, ``living in sin''. Nostradamus was an event manager, Pocahontus a journalist in Mumbai.

In 2006, they decided to chuck their jobs in Mumbai, which they hated as much as marriage, and moved back to Goa. It was a risk, but one they thought worth taking. Pocahontus got a job as a teacher at St Xavier's, Mapusa, and Nostradamus became a tour leader. They started living together, but now with their families closer and breathing down their neck, the calls to get a license became louder.

In April 2007, there was turbulence. Family pressure became acute, Pocahontus was cracking under the strain. ``Every visit home started and ended with the all-important question, `When marriage'?'' P decided that enough was enough. On May 14, 2007, after fighting through the night over it, she forced Nostradamus to the Mamlatdar's office. Both were in their shorts with long faces. Pocahontus recalls, "The Mamlatdar said afternoon, but didn't specify the time. I told my parents to come at around 3 or 4 pm. But at 2:30 itself, the Mamlatdar was ready and in a hurry to finish. So my parents missed the wedding and his parents were in the building but in a different department.''

There's more. Since their witness was waiting in a long queue to have her photo taken for the identity card, Pocahontus stood in line for her while she went to get some documents signed. By the time the bride returned, the Mamlatdar had done his bit. Hence, Pocahontus has the unique distinction of missing her own wedding.

Since neither of them believes in religion there were no wedding rituals, much to the chagrin of both families. Both husband and wife, when asked, show scant respect for the institution of marriage. Pocahontus calls it "a matter of convenience" and Nostradamus says, "Marriage is all about what the family will gain. In ancient times, kings married for political conveniences. Even in Indian history, Brahmins married more as a means for networking with other high-class families. It's the same with Catholics. As much as they will deny it, Catholics are particular about caste and the focus is what the families will gain rather than on what the husband and wife want.''

Nostradamus also doesn't believe that either man or woman can be monogamous. ``Whether it's just a lustful thought or a full-blown relationship, it's all the same.'' He adds that ever since he got married, he has felt like a dog on a leash. He also believes that the institution of marriage is a complete waste of time and money, not mention the fact that it is extremely restricting. He says that in marriage, you tend to take the other person for granted, a situation that doesn't arise in a live-in. Despite their protestations, however, P&N seem to be sailing along rather well together.

This article was first published in The Times of India's Goa edition in May, 2008.